Recovering
by MadHitman
Summary: Set between the first and second season directly after the plot of the first Primeval book "Shadow of the Jaguar". Connor has trouble dealing with everything that has happened in Peru and is in need of help. His journey to getting better begins with care from an unexpected place.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, fellow Primeval fans. It's been a while, pretty much 2 years, since I've last uploaded a bit and a lot has happened since then. I started to study and worked for half a year in between and from this September on I will be studying again, which is why hopefully there will be some time for writing fan fiction.**

**But enough about me, enjoy reading this story instead and if you like, leave a review. Greetings from Germany :)**

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Recovering

It was the kind of memories that you would never be able to put past you. The kind of memory which you wish to erase from your mind so they wouldn't haunt you anymore. About half a week ago the anomaly team had returned from their mission in Peru and Connor had not been sleeping well. That was, if he even got to sleep. He had counted four and a half hours he couldn't recollect what he was doing in the last 72 hours, although that just might be because he was going mad by now. But every time his eyes closed and he drifted away his subconscious he could hear the screams of those villagers back in South America that now where dead. Those poor souls whose flesh had been torn and whose bones were crushed, only to be eaten alive by a pack of hungry Thylacosmilus. The sound of the distorted cries of pain and agony echoing back from the mountains were probably engraved in his brain forever.

His bloodshot eyes directed at the ADD's screen, he leaned his head in the palms of his hands, his elbows resting on the desktop. He was slowly falling asleep again until his head slipped and hit the table in front of him. He groaned in a mix of pain and frustration of being woken up again. A look at the clock told him nothing good either, since the team's shift was far from over. Figuring he might as well give it a try to at least appear awake, he got up to make his way over to the recreation area, more specifically the vending machine. At least it seemed like nobody noticed his slip-up. It would have made him uncomfortable, because everyone else looked fine to him. Even though Abby for example had to watch Blaine, the SAS soldier who saved her life, bleed to death in her arms she just kept going. Connor admired her for this, wondering if some day he would possess the mental strength to live through those kinds of moments and live on afterwards in some form unscathed.

Stephen was his cool and little bit distant self he had always been since the incident with Cutter's ex-wife Helen. The professor himself buried himself in his work with the anomalies to a degree that may not be really healthy, but then again that wasn't anything new either. Jenny mostly kept to herself with few exceptions to visit Cutter or deliver reports to Lester. Connor himself felt like the weakest link once again and cursed himself for not being able to not care. The rational part of his mind knew there hadn't been any chance for him to help those men and women. Yet his guts still twisted every time he thought back to how helpless he felt. A small part of him also wondered with sick curiosity why he found the screams worse than seeing the mutilated corpses in the crushing silence after the storm. Shaking the unpleasant thought off he took the energy drink he bought from the machine and opened it. Maybe the caffeine could help keeping him going just a little longer until the day at the Anomaly Research Center was over. That and hopefully enough luck to not have an anomaly alert today.

"This can't be very healthy now, can it?" A stern voice called out to him.

Just having opened the can, Conner turned around in surprise to face his boss, Sir James Lester. It wasn't often that he made his way out office to talk to any of the team and almost never he entered the recreation area. Actually, the paleontology student couldn't think of even one time it had happened before, which was exactly why Lester was the last person he expected to meet here. Anyway, this train of thought in his deranged state had taken Connor long enough for the older man to come over and wait for an answer with his infamous raised eyebrows.

"What can't be?" he simply replied, still not catching on.

Lester shook his head at Connor's cluelessness. "I am speaking of your apparently limitless consumption of beverages containing highly concentrated caffeine."

"Why would you assume I drink a lot of this stuff?"

This time he was answered with a sigh. "Mr. Temple, nothing in these hallowed halls happens without me knowing about it. And you have been spending enough of your money here that you have me pondering the idea of paying you with fancy cans like those instead of a check."

Not really in the mood for the sarcastic humor, he took a sip of his drink. "And why would that concern you?"

"Because, Mr. Temple, as supervisor of the anomaly research project I am obligated to ensure that everyone is working at the maximum of his or her capacities. However, you are clearly still exhausted after the trip to Peru last week. You are barely holding together like it is. I suggest that you make your way home and get a good amount of rest in order for you to be productive again."

Wondering if this didn't turn out to be a dream after all, Connor asked "Are you giving me the day off?"

Seemingly appalled, Lester shook his head. "No, I am _telling you_ to take the rest of the day off and recover yourself to work at full force again. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, thank you." Was the tired, but honest reply.

As Connor turned to go, his boss spoke once more. "One more thing, Mr. Temple. I have read the reports about Peru. If you have trouble sleeping, go see the ARC's medical station. There is medication to solve problems of that manner."

With those words he went back to his office above the ARC's main room while Connor took off in the other direction, wondering if he was that easy to read. He hadn't used sleeping pills in a long time and he wasn't exactly looking forward to doing so again. Without a doubt they work and really make you sleep better, but it's not the rest he was looking for. While they may cure his physical exhaustion, Connor was more anxious about his mental well-being. As he reached the medical station's entrance he got rid of his ideas of going to see a psychologist or something similar. He told himself he wasn't crazy _yet. _And until anybody else got that idea, he didn't need to see anyone, except maybe Tom and Duncan. Pushing open the stained glass doors he was greeted by Dr. Evans, a rather young woman with hair as dark his that he had seen a few times in main hub, speaking to soldiers with small injuries. As he was currently the only 'patient' he didn't even have to wait.

"So, Mr. Temple, what can I do for you?" she asked him from behind her desk, already scrabbling down his name on a chart.

"You are the only one that calls me that aside from Lester." was his initial remark before noticing he hadn't answered her question.

"Well then, _Connor, _what can I do for you?" she repeated, a smirk tugging at her lips.

He began to fidget with the wristbands of his trademark fingerless gloves and looked back at the door to make sure nobody was eavesdropping on them. The last thing he needed was everybody knowing he was being a liability once again. "I… Since we came back from our trip to Peru I haven't been sleeping very well."

She seemingly examined him as her view went up and down his boy and she said: "I already thought so…" she said absently before her vision locked back on his face. "But the medical files…" She paused while typing something on her computer.

"They don't tell me anything, since the reports of that operation are above my security clearance. I guess you will have to help me fill in the blanks here. Do you feel any physical pain that keeps you from sleeping?"

He slowly shook his head, having to put some strands of his long hair back behind his ear. "No. Look, I- I have seen – or heard, whatever you want – some pretty bad things. I would rather not tell you about them, but every time I close my eyes the memories come back, or when I am in total silence, I can still hear those screams."

The doctor raised a brow at him, making him realize how in a movie cliché way 'I can still hear them scream' spelled _slowly going mad._ In that moment he also became aware of the fact that if his mental health was not a hundred percent obvious anymore he could be suspended from his work. The panic arose in him that maybe coming here wasn't such a bright idea after all. "I just wanted to get some medication from you, so I can have a good night of sleep, that's it."

"Hear _whose _screams?" She asked, apparently having ignored his last words. She stood up and moved around her desk to stand directly in front of him.

Connor covered his face with his and rubbed his tired eyes before he made a wild gesture. "The creatures from the anomaly. They got to a village in the mountains before we could…" His voice quivered while speaking and tears began to form in his eyes. "We didn't get there in time. From a distance we only could hear the people screaming" he choked up on the last two words.

Doctor Evan's face grew in to an expression of concern. "Look, I'll prescribe you the medications you need to sleep peacefully."

He breathed a sigh in relief. "Under one condition, though. Over the next few weeks, you'll come here and we'll talk-"

"No!" he burst out. "I don't need a psychiatrist! I said I don't want to talk. I'm not crazy!"

She stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know, Connor. You need rest now, that's why I'll give you the medication. I know I can't force you to come and talk to me, but it is an offer. Completely unofficial, no reports. Nobody will ask you to stop working here."

Again he asked himself if everyone could read him like book, but he didn't have it in him anymore to argue with the woman in front of him. "I'll think about it."

It was a weak and inconsequent answer, but Dr. Evans nodded as if she accepted that.

"Alright." She flashed him a smile and moved towards the back wall of her office, where the shelves were filled with hundreds of small packages in various sizes and colors. Her hand hovered back and forth between two medicals for a few second before she had made her choice, turned around and gave him the small container.

"Thank you." said Connor as he took it with slightly shaky hands.

He turned around, pulled the door open and left the room with a huge sigh of relief. It didn't go well, but it wasn't that awful either so he felt grateful for that. Now he only had to get out of the building without anyone asking him any questions. For once these past few days the luck seemed to be on his side as he actually could just leave without exchanging a single other word as all of the others were submerged in their own work.

The only one who noticed was Sir James Lester, who gave himself a small nod, knowing he had done the right thing.

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**The next chapter might take me while to write, but I really hope that it won't be two years :D**


	2. Chapter 2

Blink once and four weeks pass by. Anyway, here goes Chapter two, enjoy reading and as always, reviews – positive or negative – are very much appreciated =)

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Caitlyn Evans considered herself a very curious person, sometimes going as far as almost getting in the way of her professionalism as a doctor. She insisted on the '_almost' _in that thought though and others – especially the people in charge - must have agreed with this or else she wouldn't be working in a covert government operational basis. But this case was something different, she knew that right from the beginning, as her boss himself informed her of her next patient and her curiosity had only been fuelled when Sir James Lester explicitly told her to _not_ write a report. The young woman had doubts if Connor Temple would show up at all and after he did, if he would agree to her conditions. Of course, Lester was right in the end and now she found herself waiting the fourth consecutive day without her special patient checking in. She began to muse whether Connor maybe would simply take his medicine and just avoid her from now on, yet the part of his files that weren't available for her, including a brief psychological profile, didn't fit to that thought.

As she lingered on that thought, the doctor heard a faint knock on the stained glass door, as if the person who knocked hoped that no one would hear it.

Testing her detective skills, she answered, "Come in, Mr. Temple!"

The door opened to a small gap and a raspy voice said, "Only if you stop calling me that."

Caitlyn rolled her eyes, but made a mental note of the joke, as it was good sign. Perhaps some nights of good or at least _better _sleep had already helped him a bit, not that she believed he was fine by a long shot. Plus, if he now had already pushed the thoughts about the mission in Peru aside a little, it would sadly be more difficult _and_ painful to bring them back to the front of his mind. Yet she didn't have a choice…

"Come in, Connor!" she finally replied and so he did. He looked a little bit better, but nervous, too. "Please, take a seat." She added and gestured towards the chair in front of her desk. It didn't come close the big stretches, which psychologists always had in the movies, but it was modern design, made from black leather and had comfy armrests, that would have to do. In general her office didn't do much for atmosphere. It was a simple, rectangular room without huge bookshelves and antiques all across the room and no dim lights. It looked more clinically clean than anything else, with the desk made from glass and bright, illuminated ceiling panels. She liked it that way and if she was lucky, Connor wouldn't associate it with being at shrink's place. He did as she asked and sat down slowly. She also sat back down again after she had stood up when her patient had entered the room.

When their eyes with silence, she gave him a friendly smile. "Thank you for coming. You can call me Caitlin by the way. If there's anything you feel like saying, even when I' talking or explain something, feel free to do so, okay?" He nodded. "Good. So, where do you want to begin?"

He hesitated. "I… actually I don't really want to begin anywhere. Tried most of the time the past few days not to think about it." Connor looked at her sheepishly and began to fidget with his gloves.

Maybe this was going to be a little harder than she expected. "Then you don't mind me asking you some questions, do you?" Caitlyn gave him a wink and smiled again.

The palaeontology student in front of her blinked a few times and a slight hue of red formed on his cheeks. "Guess not." He mumbled.

"Then tell me something about yourself. Since your files are classified I will have to get to know you the old-fashioned way." Another well-trained smile.

That was a little bit of a lie but it was for a good cause. She had to establish a relationship in which he felt safe; that was the most important right now and additionally it would give her an idea of how he saw himself, what his role in the team was and where he felt he belonged.

Connor shrugged, seemingly having resigned to the thought of really doing this. "Well, my name's Connor Temple, I'm 24 years old and I was born in Blackburn. Before joining the anomaly-team I studied palaeontology at the London Metropolitan University and Professor Cutter was one of my professors. That's how I got to know him and Stephen in the first place; Stephen was his lab assistant. When I wasn't studying or in classes I played a lot of videogames or I was hung out with my friends Tom and Duncan." He shrugged again, as if it was a signal that he was done.

It was a very generic introduction, like one you would tell at a meeting or a job interview of some sorts. But she would have to work with it gave him a nod. "And now? What do you do in your free time?"

"Mostly hoping that no anomaly opens and I get to have free time." He made it sound like a joke, but the way he couldn't laugh about it revealed the truth behind it.

Nonetheless she smiled to acknowledge the effort and made a hand gesture that he could continue. "Please, continue."

"Not that much, I guess." He said. "Still, lots of videogames, I do some tweaking on my database of prehistoric creatures. Sometimes Abby and I watch a movie together."

"What about your friends? Do you still see them? Are you going out sometimes?" she pressed the topic further.

Connor sighed and shook his head. "Not really. I'm not the club and party kind of guy. Plus, ever since Tom's… death, Duncan and I didn't see each other a lot."

"I'm sorry – I didn't know that…" the sympathy in her voice was meant honestly. "Who's your go-to person then? With whom do you share your thoughts and problems?" She added after he had frowned at her for the first question.

She could see the thoughts running through his mind. The longer he took to phrase his next words, the more interesting it got. A person that thinks hard about a question either honestly doesn't know an answer or is looking for one himself or it takes a lot of time for said person to construct a lie, an excuse or something else to divert from the real answer. He let out another sigh while resting his elbows on his knees and putting his head in his hands. Connor rubbed his eyes before tucking a fallen strand of hair behind his ears again and looking back up at her.

"If it's something important, Cutter would hear me out. And… I think I could talk to Abby."

It wasn't a lie, at least Caitlyn assumed that. "You _could_" she repeated after him. "But you didn't talk to neither of them about Peru, right?"

Connor swallowed at this. "Well, no. I-"

"Why not?" she interrupted him.

"I… can't!" His voice broke over the word. "I just can't." he said once more as drooped his head low.

The doctor slowly stood up and made her way around the table. The clicking sound of her shoes' heels was the only thing that could be heard in the office. When she got to him, Caitlyn carefully put her hand on Connor's shoulder, trying not to startle him. It was a personal gesture, one that indicated sympathy and understanding. She let her hand rest there for a few more moments before began speaking.

"Okay, Connor. There's nothing wrong with that." She gave him a gentle pat on the back before resting her hand there. "It would just make it easier for you if you'd talk to someone. That's even scientifically proven."

He looked back up at her and gave her a weak smile. "Can't argue with science, can I?" He murmured. "I just can't tell them about my problems."

"Then tell me. You'll feel better, I promise." She said softly.

Connor hesitated. Once again Caitlyn could see the gears shifting behind his eyes. "Okay." He finally gave in.

"Good." Her smile couldn't be more sincere. "But let's not rush anything yet. Maybe we can begin with why it's hard for you to talk to your teammates, okay?"

He looked conflicted, but he gave her the nod she needed. "Alright. What do you want to know?"

She took a few steps back and made a small circle through the room so that she ended up behind her desk again and leaned on the back of her chair. "You work with Jenny Lewis, Stephen Hart, Professor Nick Cutter and Abby Maitland, is that correct?" When he nodded once more, she added: "Then let's go through one by one… Jenny Lewis is first. What's keeping you from talking to her?"

Connor rubbed his neck uncomfortably with his right hand. He didn't like to talk about other people behind her back. "Well, that's easy to explain. I don't really know her. She has only been with us for… I don't know, 3 weeks? And she doesn't seem very eager to get to know us. I guess she's a real professional unlike the rest of us."

This time Caitlyn was the one nodding. "I understand."

"Aren't you writing any of this down?" he asked suddenly.

She was caught a little of guard by his question. "What? Oh, no. We said this was unofficial and that means no reports. Also, I like to think have a pretty good memory." She replied.

"Oh, okay." Connor simply said and leaned back, seemingly more relayed with that answer.

"Back to topic, then." Exclaimed Caitlyn. "What about Stephen Hart. You know him since the beginning of the project."

At this Connor weighed his head. "A little longer than that, but yes, we never talked much before the anomalies appeared. And… I'm not sure. I mean we know about him and Helen, Cutter's ex-wife-" He saw her questioning looks and explained: "Apparently she had an affair with Cutter's ex-wife when they were still married. That was hard for all of us to find out, we never thought that… I don't know, he just lost our blind trust with that."

When he hesitated to continue, she urged him on. "But that's not all there is?"

"No… You know, in high school he would be the popular, _cool_ guy. I never really liked those, but that's not it. I think he's really great, despite his mistakes. This must sound so stupid, but I don't want him to see me as weak or as dead weight, for whatever reason, you know?" He shook his head as if he was angry with himself for that.

'It's getting interesting now.' Caitlyn thought. She was slowly grasping the social structure of the team, which would probably be the key to solving his problems. "I see…" She replied in a neutral manner. "The Professor?"

"Cutter is… kind of up the same alley. I mean he's not like the cool guy or something, but he has a brilliant mind and he is our leader, at least a little bit. When things got close he always kept us together until now." Connor spoke with the admiration sitting clearly in his eyes. "Though ever since he went through an anomaly and returned, something has happened to him…" Connor thought for a short moment before he continued. "He seems to be out of it somehow and he became more distant. Then again it isn't that new for him to lock himself in his office. I- I just feel like he has enough burdens on his shoulders already and shouldn't have to deal with mine, too." He let out his breath on the last word; making it obvious it wasn't easy for him to talk

"Okay. We're really making progress here, Connor." She encouraged him. "You're doing great. Now, just Abby Maitland and we are almost done for today. As far as I know, you live with her. She appears to be a reasonable choice for someone to talk to."

"I can see why you' think that." He gave that thought a chuckle but it faded quickly. "Sorry to disappoint you though. I guess it's just not how… it works with her."

Caitlyn narrowed her eyes. "Define 'it', please."

His face began to flush red. "See, Abby and I-"

Her eyes widened with false realisation. "Are you two…?"

"No, no!" Connor said that louder than he meant to and ducked his head awkwardly afterwards.

Then it dawned on her. "Oh… but you wouldn't mind. Rather the opposite."

He confirmed that theory by giving her a nod, preferring not to say anything at the moment.

Instead, the doctor spun her previous thought further. "And… you don't want her to think less of you." She said, more statement than question.

"Are you sure you aren't psychic?" Connor asked and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "Look, you're right. Plus, she just seems like nothing can faze her. In Peru, Blaine - a soldier and a good man – bled to death in her arms after saving her life." He shuddered just thinking about it. "And Abby… I mean yes, she was a little bit quiet for a few days, but now she just keeps going. It's like I'm the only one who can't get over what happened."

Caitlyn waited a few seconds, making sure he had nothing to add. Then she said "Alright, Connor. I think we got very far today and I don't want to strain you any further. Did I scare you too much for a second appointment?"

He shook his head. "Wasn't as bad as I expected. You know. Lying on a leather couch with my eyes closed and stuff."

That got a chuckle out of her. "Good to hear. If you want, we don't have to be here to talk. How about I give you my number and when you're ready again you give me call."

She didn't even wait for his mumbled "Okay" before scribbling down the digits on a post-it note.

"Thanks. See you soon then." He said and extended his arm towards her to take the piece of paper.

"Hopefully." She said and waved her hand when he left her office closed the door.

A few moments went by before the door opened again, this time without a knock.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Evans. Can you give me good news about Mr. Temple's condition?" Of course it was Sir James Lester.

She nodded. "Indeed I can, Sir. He has been sleeping better thanks to the medicine I gave him and from what I got today I think the psychological issues can be resolved over the course of the next weeks. He'll be fully up to scratch next month."

"Very good. Go on, then." Lester said and then left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys, back with the third chapter. Guess about four weeks is what it takes to come up with new ones. Not as fast as I'd like, but as fast as I can with studying and working distracting me :P Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading this chapter, give it a review and stay tuned for the next one. I'll try to get it done sooner, maybe I can use the train rides more efficiently. Have a wonderful week :)

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Chapter 3

The call had been two days ago. Today was the date. He didn't really like to call it like that, because it wasn't a _date_. Then again, it wasn't an appointment either, since nothing of this was official in any kind of way. One way or the other, Connor was going to meet Dr. Evans, or rather Caitlyn, in the _Bulls eye_ in less than half an hour and he wasn't sure what to wear. It wasn't like he was trying to impress or anything. It was just the feeling that it was a special occasion. Him, a woman - an attractive women at that he had to admit - and nobody else meeting up in a bar out of all the possible locations had him a little bit nervous. Any rational thought about their professional relationship of doctor and patient were blown way out of proportion by the prospect of a nice girl showing genuine interest in him. Plus, his daydreams were easier to deal with than the nightmares he would get when he closed his eyes.

In lack of something really nice he went with his red shirt, black vest and equally black fedora. Of course not leaving the house without his trademark fingerless gloves and ring necklace. It felt a little bit ridiculous when he looked at himself in the mirror of the bathroom. A shave probably wouldn't have hurt either, he thought in hindsight. But he figured it was too late to change anything about now, gave his mirrored self a reassuring nod and left the room again. He then made a straight line for the apartment door, snatching the slung over jacket form the sofa as he went. He had almost closed the creaky door when Abby called out to him from the kitchen.

"Hey, Connor. Where are you going?"

He pushed the door a little further open again and peered through the empty living room. "Nothing much. Just heading out to a bar." He replied, not sure if she had heard him.

A few silent seconds later, she called out again. "Alright. With whom?"

This time he was the one to hesitate a little too long. "Just a friend of mine. I don't think you know her."

Now Abby actually stuck her head out of the kitchen and looked at him puzzled for a moment. "Who- Never mind." She said and flashed him a smile. "Have fun."

"I'll try." He smiled back. "See you later then."

With those words he closed the front door and left behind a confused Abby. Since the anomaly project began both of them didn't have much time for anyone outside of their jobs. That would indeed rather be a reason for him to see some old friends again, but in the past two weeks he didn't make the impression that he wanted to go out or something, more of the opposite. To her it seemed like their mission in Peru had burned him out and he needed some time on to regenerate some energy. Maybe she had been wrong and now he was meeting his friend to cheer him up.

But that didn't make sense. He can't truly talk to anyone outside of the project obviously and if he needed a friend he could've talked to her. Abby initially thought about this when they all had gotten back home, though then, like now, she came to the conclusion that she probably was overthinking the whole situation. Furthermore it had gotten better in the past few days as he didn't seem as tired anymore and was more talkative. Not as much as usually, but that didn't necessarily bother her. Still, there was a curious voice inside Abby, which wouldn't shut up and made up all kinds of questions. Who was this girl Connor would meet? How could she look like and where had he met her? What would they talk about?

Funnily enough, Connor was thinking the same thing at the time. He knew Caitlyn would of course want to spend the time in a useful way and deepen her insight to his mind. Since he was fourteen years old he had stopped believing in the ability of mind reading, but sometimes he was a little scared at how close some people got. His new doctor luckily – or sadly, depending on your perspective of things – was one of them. It was one of the reasons he had gotten less tense around her. He didn't have to bother trying to hide secrets, as she would find out somehow anyway.

Connor praised himself for making the decision to head out earlier than really necessary. The evening sky was cloud-free for a change and all in all it was a nice day. It had been a while, he realized, since he had appreciated things like these. He took it as a sign of progress and is thoughts drifted off to other things. Five minutes and two turns later he could spot the bright red and white neon-sign that showed a dartboard. Underneath some bold blue letters spelled out _Bulls eye, _although the letter Y was flickering on and off every few seconds. He pushed the door open and a familiar mixture of cigarette smoke and warmth washed over him.

In the far corner of the dimly lit room, at a table fitted in between the wall and a wooden column, he spotted Caitlyn, who was currently busy typing away on her cellphone. Just when he took a step towards her she finished typing and looked up. After a quick scan of the room she saw him and quickly waved him over. After making his way through the small crowd standing at the bar, he sat down and smiled a little.

"You are early." he said.

"So are you" she replied and smiled a little of her own.

Before anything else happened a waitress appeared at their table and took their order, which simply consisted of two beers.

"How are you?" she asked afterwards.

Connor thought for a brief moment before he answered. "Fine, I guess. Nothing too much happened."

Caitlyn nodded. "Sounds okay. What do you want to talk about today?"

This question was unexpected for him. "Umm… I don't know…" he said slowly. "I thought you were the one asking the questions."

She let out a short laugh. "That's right to a certain degree. Don't you think it will help me to know what answers you're looking for?"

He had to admit that it made sense. "Alright then. You still remember what we talked about last time, right? Well, my question would be, what do I do now?"

"Good question." Said Caitlyn. "From what I understand it would still be the best for you to entrust yourself to one of your friends."

Connor was about to protest, but she held up a hand in anticipation. At the same moment the waitress reappeared and handed both of them their beer. Both said "cheers" and took a sip from their glasses. Connor was happy to have something to help against his dry mouth and gladly let the cool liquid run down his throat. A moment later his attention was pulled back to the woman in front of him.

"I know," the doctor continued "that you said you could not do that. But that thought mainly stems from the fear of no longer being accepted by your friends and colleagues. And I think that fear is neither very rational nor do I think it has a high chance of being the truth. There are multiple reasons why you don't have to be afraid of speaking to any of them. Some may be more recommendable to talk to than others, yet in the end I think you can trust them."

He almost interrupted her again, but she leaned forward put held on finger up in the air. "One. They are the people who as close as it gets to understand what you are going through. Nobody else knows about your work and what is happening there. If you want to put it dramatically, they _share _your torment. Which brings us two number two. You have been going through all possible trials together, as a team. Whether you want it or not, these kinds of experiences create bonds. Everybody on your team has respect for each other and that includes you. Especially looking at your ideas and progresses in finding anomalies as soon as they appear. Third on the list, although maybe the most important, they are you're friends. If they would think less of you because you admit to having difficulties with any aspect of your live, they wouldn't be. They will help you."

She demonstratively held up her three fingers a few seconds longer before taking another swallow from her beer. After her little speech they both sat silent for more than just a few seconds. Connor, who had gone a little red in the face when she had gotten more and more worked up about the topic, was now deep on thought. Caitlyn herself thought about what she had said, but more about _how_ she had said it. It wasn't the first time she had accidentally gotten emotionally involved with the problems of one of her patients, yet she knew it wasn't professional and it wasn't healthy either. She wouldn't be able to help others when she would be in need of treatment herself. Though she came to the conclusion that her small outburst only showed she cared like any human would. Plus, Connor didn't look to taken aback, just pensive.

Finally, he began to say something, choosing his words carefully. "Your arguments make sense. I want to think you are right. But it's like something keeps me from doing so. Like I am in front of a gap and I have to jump over it, but my instincts tell me not to do it, because I can't make it. So what do I do?"

She smiled at him and lightly put her and on top of his to give it a reassuring squeeze. "Take a leap of faith."

Connor sighed at that. "I hoped it wouldn't have to come to that. I know this seems like stupid question. But who do you think would be the best choice."

"Abby. Now don't look at me like that! I have very good reasons for this choice, too. Do you want to hear all of them?"

The paleontology student shook his head and chuckled. "One is enough, I think."

"Okay. From what you said she went through some devastating moments as well. Not only can she help you, but maybe you can help her, too."

Connor frowned at this. "You think Abby also has these problems?"

Caitlyn took another sip from her beer. "Mh… I honestly don't know. I have never spoken to her in person. It's just an educated guess."

"I see." He replied and rested his right elbow on the table, supporting his head with his hand. "I'll think about it."

"That's all I can ask from you." said Caitlyn. "More questions?"

From then on their conversation swayed to other topics about dealing with emotional struggles in general, but also from Connors perspective casual things, like hobbies and life outside of the ARC. One beer followed the other and soon outside the night had fallen over London. While staring out of the window to think about another one of Caitlyn's mindboggling questions, Connor remembered that hadn't taken the front door key, which meant he had to get home in time before Abby was sleeping. He – and probably nobody else – wanted to face her, when she was woken up in the middle of an anomaly-less night by a phone call. A look at the old clock on the wall behind him deepened his worries.

"Bollocks!" He mumbled, apparently having interrupted his dear doctor's train of thought.

"Sorry, what did you say?" she asked.

"Ah, nothing. It's just that I don't have a key and Abby is most likely sleeping already."

"You have a cellphone, don't you? Just give her a call." Suggested Caitlyn

Connor shook his head apologetically. "Good thought, but she would rip my head off if I did that in on of our nights off. I'd rather not wake her up."

"Okay. Still not a problem." She said nonchalantly "You can stay the night at my place."

Over the last few words Connor choked on the sip he was taking from his beer. After trying to recover from his coughing as quick as possible and living down the feeling of humiliation that made his presence known in the bright red color of his face, he forced himself to speak.

"I-isn't that contradicting some doctor-patient relationship-ish kind of stuff?"

Caitlyn herself had to bite her tongue in order to not start laughing. "Relax, Connor. It's not like I am going to devour you or anything. I was just offering you my couch."

He nodded slowly. "Okay then."


	4. Chapter 4

Damn it. I always hated it when I read fan fiction and then the story just stops because for some reason the author vanished from the internet or something. It really bothered me. And now I revisited this site after over two years only to see that I have done the exact same thing. I can only sincerely apologize to those who maybe had been waiting for more chapters of this story. If any of you are still here and reading this, I will try and finish this story. Surprisingly I still remember the outline I once had for this piece of fan fiction. So here we go. Hope you have fun reading – again – I'm sorry.

* * *

Accepting Caitlyn's offer to crash at her flat turned out to be a good idea. After they had paid for their drinks the both of them were on their way. Her apartment wasn't far from the _Bulls eye _so Caitlyn had decided they should use the mild night for a walk and Connor had been happy to agree. They walked at a calm pace and for a while there was a comfortable silence between them. Connor was trying to remember the last time he had spent the night at someone else's place. Well, excluding Abby's since he technically was just permanently crashing there. To his right, her gaze switching between his face and the street lights passing them by, Caitlyn pondered on today's progress.

On one hand, her patient had seemed convinced that opening up to his friends, or at least one of them, would prove beneficial for him. On the other hand, his last statement regarding a possible conversation between him and for example Abby had been "I'll think about it." In that moment Caitlyn had felt like she shouldn't press the matter further and they had soon changed the topic. But she wasn't sure whether Connor would go through with in the end. Perhaps the best course of action was to let him open up about Peru to her first and to a friend of his choosing at a later point. That way he would be able to get the traumatic events off his chest and make it easier to talk to his friends. A small nod to herself and the decision was made.

"Connor?" she asked, surprised by how loud her voice seemed in the quiet of the night. It was a stark contrast to the volume levels in the bar they had been in.

"Mh?" he lifted his head too look at her.

"I was thinking about the progress we made so far." she said and Connor nodded. "You're a lot more comfortable around me since the first time you came to my office – that's good." Caitlyn smiled a little.

Connor hummed again in acknowledgement.

"Here's what I am thinking: When get to my place, I'll make us both a nice cup of coffee –" she smirked when his eyes widened "don't worry – not like that. We'll just talk about your trip to Peru." Her voice turned serious for the last part.

He was overcome with a mix of relief worry. He was relieved that she didn't mean the metaphorical coffee that served as a lame excuse to invite someone in after a date for most of the population between twenty and thirty. Yet at the same time he was worried about her proposal to talk about Peru. In the past few days he had started to feel a little better, so maybe it was easier to just let go of it all for good. The look in the Caitlyn's face suggested that she had no doubt it was necessary.

"You think I'm ready?" he asked with a hint of uncertainty in his words.

She nodded. "We'll get through it. I promise. Plus, if you can talk to me about it, it will be much easier when you'll have a heart-to-heart with Abby."

"I will?" he almost squeaked.

"Or with Cutter" she added. "It's your choice, really. However, it will probably be easier for you to share your experiences with them after we talked about it."

"I guess that makes sense" Connor replied.

"So that's a yes?"

A long drawn out sigh from him. "Yea, it is."

He spent the last few minutes of their way wondering if he really should've agreed and suddenly they were there. Caitlyn's flat was on the second floor and the beer he had drunk the whole evening made its presence known on stairs. With tired legs he waited she unlocked the door and let him in. It wasn't exactly a small apartment, but it wasn't huge either. Everything was held in warm and friendly colors, there were lots of cupboards with even more books in them. The paleontology student wasn't big on interior design but he could definitely see how her tastes had carried over to her office in the anomaly research team's headquarters. Aside from that, he recognized, it smelled nice. He couldn't put his finger on what exactly it smelled like, but it somehow felt a little relaxing.

After taking off her jacket and shoes she gestured for him to move to the living room where he sat down on the couch. Caitlyn disappeared in the kitchen and after a few awkward moments he spent looking around the room, trying not to appear as if he was snooping around, she returned with two cups of steaming, hot coffee. She placed both of them on a small table in front of the couch and sat down so that there was enough space between them.

"Shall we begin?" Caitlyn asked and gave him an encouraging smile.

Connor took one of the cups and cradled it in his hands, feeling the warmth spread over his skin. He hesitated. "Sorry, I… don't really know to begin."

"I understand." she nodded empathetically. "Why don't we just begin with your flight to Peru?"

That made sense to him. He started his dreaded tale with the briefing they got from Lester back in London. How the sons of some more or less important aristocrat went missing in Peru and Cutter had heard weird reports from an old student there that hinted at possible anomalies. His initial excitement of a mission overseas that should soon turn into true fear and horror. Before long found himself getting worked up about the memories rushing to the surface of his mind.

Caitlyn noticed this. "Connor, keep calm" she said soothingly. "and take deep long breaths." She took the cup from him and placed it back on the table

He did so, but his eyes still showed he hadn't really calmed down.

"Come here" she said softly and pulled him towards her. He hadn't scooted closer so that her pulling him closer basically tilted him until his head laid in her lap and he was looking up at her. "Close your eyes."

Again he did as he was told, though his face was still showing a worried frown. Caitlyn began to softly comb through his thick, black hair with her fingers. Slowly, but with enough pressure to gently caress the top of his head. The moment her fingers touched his head the first time, he had gasped a little in surprise. Apart from that it obviously had a soothing effect on him. His breathing slowed significantly and his facial expression relaxed.

"Now…" Caitlyn whispered. "Tell me what happened."

A small frown returned to his face, but Connor remained calm. There was no panic in his voice anymore when he told her about the tracks from unknown predators they had found. That they had turned out to belong to a vicious pack of Thylacosmilus. And of course the village. The innocent villagers that had been mauled and eaten alive, while they were standing at the cliff, reduced to listening to the massacre. The screams of man, women and children echoing in the valley beneath them. How he had tried to will himself down there, wishing for a way to help them, only to held back by his teammates. At the time they had known what he had refused to accept; that they were helpless.

His voice broke then and again throughout his tale. About Jenny's trials, the SAS soldiers they had lost, the future bird and that godforsaken temple. When he was finished, she was still combing his hair for a little bit longer. Then she reached over him for a box of tissues on the table. The doctor wiped a tear that had escaped his eye and ran down his face. In that moment everything that had just happened transpired to Connor as very real and he suddenly felt very self-conscious. He could already feel his cheeks start getting hot.

"Um, I-"

"It's all good" Caitlyn interrupted him. "You can open your eyes, by the way."

He opened them and saw her smiling down at him. "You did very well." she said. "You'll feel a lot better tomorrow."

"I think I already do." he said genuinely. "Though I do feel really tired as well."

He then slowly sat back up so that they were sitting next to each other. She mustered him up and down before nodding. "Therapy can be mentally exhausting." she said and took his hand, turning his face bright red again. "You earned your night's sleep" she praised him.

"Thanks." Connor answered and smiled sheepishly.

Caitlyn then handed him a pillow and blanket so he could get comfy on the sofa. "If you need anything, just tell me. Good night and sweet dreams".

She left him with a friendly wink and disappeared into her bedroom. Connor couldn't quite believe all that had happened today, but before he could entertain that thought further, he was already fast asleep.


End file.
